Here I Am

Dear Diary,

 I heard this song, "Here I Am", for many times.. and it makes me realize how old I'm now.
 I'm 33 years old this year and will be older and older tomorrow.

What have I done until now?

I'm quite busy working recently, and sometimes I have no time for my beloved daughter and son, and my husband.
I'm too tired already to take my kids to places they want to go.
I have headaches and stiff neck quite often, and they suffer more as I'm sitting and using my Mac for drawings.
But what have I got until today?

Is it right that people never satisfy?
Or I do get nothing until now?

Yes, I am...

Dear Diary,

My sister said I'm lucky! I know I'm quite happy and satisfied with all I've got, but I never really think in a different way. I have 2 babies, and I'm fell lucky for having them. I have a very-to-me husband, and I feel lucy for that. I have wonderful parents, brothers, sisters and relatives, and feel lucky fot that too!
But I never realised that the luckiest thing is being needed by them!
The feeling of being needed by someone is very awesome! It makes me confident, that was one thing I never had since I finished high school. I always think that I'm not a good kid to my parents ( I gave them more than enough problems and made them very very very happy when I'm married and leaving home so that I could not give more troubles). I didn't finish my study, and that make me be a very unconfident person. I have no career in a big company as I've always dreamt of because my last sertificate is only from high school.
I'm a mother now, but my mom always make me think that I'm not a good mother. My daughter is very skinny, and that make me feel like it was my fault. I didn't want to have a babysitter as I want to be the only caregiver for my babies, but people always made me think it was a big sin-to not having a babysitter.
I have a babysitter now. Yes, I lost! I do what people asked me to do, and think what people asked me to think.
All that things made me never feel happy and satisfied, I complained all the times. I was blaming people for controlling me. In fact, maybe I'm the one who let them control me.

I saw my kids smiling when I'm with them, playing with them, be around them.
I love them. But, I never realised that they love me too!!!
How stupid I am! I was busy enough complaining things and I didn't noticed it!

I think I have to change now.
I don't care if people said I'm no good for my kids. My babies love me, so they must be think I'm good for them!

I still an-only-high school-graduated, I still can go to big companies and wearing suits. But I can do something else!
I can draw, I can write. And that's what I do now. And I'm happy for that.
working at home, always be near my kids...what more would I asked?

"Our Home"

...this is where we live.




living room..





bedroom...

"The Wedding"

THE WEDDING
-30 January 2005-

When two people are in love...there's only one thing that makes all things happened.

.....it is called a wedding.

All things need to be prepared..
All feelings should be combined..
All paths have to be walked through..

But these two hearts have to commit to each other..
There is more after this wedding.
More than just loving...
....more than just believing..
and more than just it.

"This is what we call LOVE"

LOVE

Love is something.

Loving someone is when you can share everything
..every secrets..
.......every past stories.

There is no secret between us.
This is what we call sharing lifes..
This is what we call sharing secrets..
..and this is what we call "Love"

Togetherness is the thing..
Trusting each other is something.
..but the difference is the real thing.

And then...
Coping with the differences make a thing.

"Our Song"

CLOSE
(By: Westlife)

Across the miles
It is funny to me
How far you are but how near you seem to me
I could talk all night
Just to hear you breathe
I could spend my life
Just living this dream
You are all I’ll ever need

CHORUS
You give me strength
You give me hope
You give me someone to love someone to hold
When I’m in your arms
I need you to know
I’ve never been
Never been this close

With all the loves
I used to know
I kept my distance I never let go
But in your arms I know I’m safe
Cause I’ve never been held
I’ve never been kissed in this way
You’re all I’ll ever need
You’re all I’ll ever need

Close enough to see it’s true
Close enough to trust in you
Closer now than any
Words can say

And when when I’m in your arms
I need you
To know I’ve never been
I’ve never been
This close

"The Right Man"

THE RIGHT MAN

I asked God..
..is he the right man?
..is he the one that You send?
..is he the one You have prepared for me?
..is he the one I can rely on?
..is he the one who really love me?
..is he the one who I can be happy to live with?


And He said YES.

..........and so I said yes to his proposal
only three days after Nov 14.

If he's really the one from God
Why should we take so long time....

If he's really the one from God
He's the best for sure.

"Voice of Love"

VOICE OF LOVE
November 14, 2003

I still remember his voice saying "I Love You"
That was the most beautiful voice I've ever heard
..that also changed my life.

That was one evening..
He held my hands, deep eyed looking into my eyes.
Even with no word, we all know what it meant.

Our previous twice meeting didn't make it..
Seemed like God said our time hasn't arrived yet.
And when the time has come, we met again..
..were ready for each other.
God has prepared us for each other.
God has His own plan..and His are always the best.